🇺🇸Made with Burnout, Debt, and Government Distrust Apron

🍰 Made with Burnout, Debt, and Government Distrust Apron

Because late-stage capitalism doesn’t season itself.

This isn’t just an apron. It’s a full-body cry for help disguised as kitchen couture. Whether you’re rage-baking at 2am, feeding friends out of trauma-bonded obligation, or distracting yourself from the crumbling economy one cupcake at a time, this apron is your uniform of defiance.

Stitched with the energy of burnout, soaked in the flavor of financial ruin, and glazed in righteous suspicion of every institution ever — it’s not just for cooking. It’s for surviving.

🧵 Product Features:

• 100% Polyester Canvas – strong enough to withstand marinara spills and emotional breakdowns

• One Size (31.5" x 25.6") – full frontal protection from food, feelings, and fiscal collapse

• Tie-Back Closure – secure enough to hold you together when the system doesn’t

• Strap Colors in Black, White, Beige, Blue, or Pink – because your trauma should at least match your kitchen aesthetic

• Sewn-in Care Label – one less decision for your already cooked nervous system

• Assembled in the USA from globally sourced parts – just like your identity crisis

Perfect for:

• Rage-baking banana bread while questioning the concept of currency

• Hosting dinner parties fueled by Prosecco and paranoia

• Looking cute while mentally plotting your escape to a remote forest commune

🛒 Add to cart. Because the world may be burning, but at least your apron’s fire. 🔥