I Rebuke Cancer Men - Stylish and Whimsical Design for Astrology Lovers

"I Rebuke Cancer Men" Tote Bag

A spiritual shield disguised as a tote. A talisman against tearful manipulation and weaponized nostalgia. For those who have suffered at the hands of emotionally cryptic moonboys who think a crying selfie at 2 a.m. counts as communication.

Because Cancer men don’t love you—they haunt you. Clingy like a ghost, moody like a Victorian widow, and somehow always the victim in a breakup they caused.

🖤 He’ll make you feel bad for not replying to his passive-aggressive paragraph—but disappear when you need a ride to the airport.
🖤 He calls it “depth.” You call it emotional hostage-taking with scented candles.
🖤 He trauma dumps, trauma recycles, then trauma blames—usually while wearing your hoodie and asking for his Tupperware back.

Ideal for dodging exes at Whole Foods, surviving brunch trauma debriefs, or as a silent sermon to the next crying-in-the-club softboy who dares call you “cold.” This tote holds your snacks, secrets, and the last shred of empathy you had for his inner child.

Product features:

• 100% Polyester body durable enough to withstand emotional whiplash

• Reinforced stitching for carrying the weight of your sanity

• Boxed corners for more room (because his feelings take up too much space)

• Available in 5 handle colors to match your aura of detachment

• Comes in 3 sizes—because Cancer men come in all forms of emotional damage

Care instructions:

• Remove contents (and memories) before washing.

• Pretreat visible stains (like mascara from his fake tears).

• Wash with warm water and mild detergent. Let air dry—just like your heart after dating him.