Battery: 1%. Anxiety: 99% Retro Pc Laptop Sleeve

Battery: 1%. Anxiety: 99%.
Fight, flight, or freeze — now available in fleece-lined polyester.

This isn’t just a laptop sleeve. It’s a padded shell for your device — and a subtle cry for help from a brain stuck in permanent survival mode. The cortisol’s been marinating for years. Your nervous system? Deregulated. Your executive functioning? Out to lunch. Your fight-or-flight response? Stuck in “buffering” while you smile through another calendar invite titled “Quick Sync.”

Made for the student whose deadlines have deadlines. For the corporate soldier whose Slack status says “🧘‍♀️” but whose inner monologue is pure white noise. For the chronically exhausted soul who’s Googled “how to fake my own death” one too many times.

This sleeve doesn't care if you're “doing your best.” It knows you're barely holding on with an emotional support iced coffee and two unmedicated coping mechanisms. It’s built for those who wake up tired, go to sleep wired, and spend the in-between trying not to disassociate in public.

Wrap your laptop in something that understands you — because the system sure as hell doesn’t.

Product Features:

• 100% polyester shell – tougher than your trauma response

• Soft fleece interior – one of the few soft things left in your life

• YKK #5 zipper – smooth like your descent into burnout

• Black polyester back – like your sense of humor: minimalist, functional, slightly dead inside

• Lightweight – unlike the emotional baggage you carry everywhere

• NB: Always check the size guide. This sleeve fits your laptop, not your expectations.

Your nervous system is fried. Your motivation is missing. Your laptop’s protected.

This is burnout. Packaged. Marketed. And... at least kinda cute.