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🇺🇸 “Sentient Program, Buffering” Tote Bag | 「センティエント・プログラム:バッファリング」トートバッグ - BlackFor the ones half-human, half-software — still learning how to feel. 🪞💾The Sentient Program, Buffering Tote Bag merges retro-futurist charm with everyday functionality. Designed for those navigating between reality and simulation, it’s perfect for beach escapes, creative commutes, or quiet rebellions at your local...
- $25.00
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🇺🇸 “Soft Reboot Required for Human Feelings” Weekender Bag 💾人間の感情、再起動が必要です」ウィークエンダーバッグ 💾Because after years of late-stage capitalism, collapsing timelines, and chronic hypervigilance, emotional functionality is now a premium feature.This isn’t a bag — it’s a system patch for souls running on caffeine, cynicism, and the faint hope of collective healing.Throw in your keys, your crisis,...
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🇺🇸 “The Vibes Won’t Fix Your Deadline” 13" Laptop Sleeve |「バイブスでは締め切りは救えない」13インチ・ラップトップスリーブ - BlackYou can light your candle, open your notion tab, and play lo-fi beats for six hours straight —but the deadline? Still undefeated. Designed for the chronic procrastinator masquerading as a “creative perfectionist,” this sleeve is your emotional support armor in the war between ambition...
- $33.00
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🇺🇸 “This Latte Cost Me My Soul (Plus Tax)” 11oz MugWelcome to Halloween in late-stage America — where the real horror is the receipt.For the modern witch juggling rent, caffeine dependency, and existential dread, this mug is both spell and statement piece. Sip your overpriced iced potion and remember: the collapse still looks chic...
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🇺🇸 “This latte costs like the collapse of the middle class.” 20oz Stainless Steel TumblerA love letter to inflation, irony, and iced caffeine.Crafted for those who intellectualize their burnout and romanticize economic decline, this stainless steel tumbler keeps your drink as cold (or as hot) as your faith in capitalism. With a glossy finish and vacuum insulation, it’s...
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🇺🇸 “You’ve Got to Win, Bitch” Journal – Strawberry Crown Edition 🇺🇸Not your average notebook — this one’s for the dreamers with delusions of grandeur and caffeine addictions. The Crown Strawberry Shake Journal is where ambition meets aesthetic: a hardbound vault for chaotic genius, glittered thoughts, and late-night revenge plans disguised as poetry. Whether you’re...
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🇺🇸 “☆My dream butterfly escaped☆” Tote Bag | 「☆夢のバタフライが逃げた☆」トートバッグ - BlackFor the ones who chase beauty even as it dissolves into code — this tote captures the heartbreak of digital dreams and the tenderness of a fading memory. Wrapped in vaporwave lilac and pixel hearts, it’s nostalgia rendered in polyester — fragile, glittering, and...
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🇺🇸"Can't Wait for the Next Flood" -11oz MugBecause the world’s on fire, the seas are rising, and you still have to log into Zoom. Tired of pretending everything’s fine while billionaires build rockets and the rest of us Google “ark dimensions DIY”? This 11oz mug is your sarcastic survival gear—a daily...
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🇺🇸"Deadlines are my love language" 13" Laptop SleeveBecause nothing says romance like panic and caffeine. For those who confuse adrenaline with affection and call burnout “passion,” this laptop sleeve is your emotional support armor — pink, chaotic, and painfully relatable. Wrapped in late-night delusion and rainbow despair, it’s the perfect reminder...
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🇺🇸"Iced Nihilism with Notes of Almond"- 11oz Ceramic MugNot your average tasting profile. This latte is brewed with existential dread, sweetened with futility, and finished with a delicate almond aftertaste for the illusion of choice. Ideal for philosophy students, office drones, or anyone who’s ever stared into the void and thought: “Maybe...
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🇺🇸"It's Giving Pluto in Aquarius" -11oz Ceramic MugIt’s Giving Pluto in AquariusFeaturing Marie Antoinette. Serving powdered delusion and pre-revolution panic. Some mugs hold coffee.This one holds omens. Pluto in Aquarius is not subtle. Systems fray like wigs in the rain, cycles don’t repeat — they resurrect, half-mocking, half-monstrous. The air thickens...
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🇺🇸"Mentally on Do Not Disturb” Weekender Bag 💗ウィークエンダーバッグ 💗For when your body is present, but your brain is buffering.This pastel-pixel Y2K tote is for the girls who answer texts three business days later — if ever. Featuring vintage flip phones, sparkly keychains, and a bear who also needs therapy, this bag is...
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🇺🇸"No optimization without representation" - 11oz Ceramic MugThis 11oz mug is less about coffee and more about critique — a porcelain protest against the algorithmic empire. Durable white ceramic, shiny finish, and a comfortable C-handle make it practical; the imagery makes it prophecy. A cybernetic blonde in metallic pink, strawberries in...
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🇺🇸"One Nation Under Chronic Fatigue"- 11oz Ceramic MugThis mug is a hymn for the overworked, the under-slept, the chronically fatigued human machines powering a system that rewards exhaustion with… more exhaustion. Draped in pixelated flags, it’s equal parts satire and mirror: the American Dream served on ice, caffeine-dependent and mascara-smudged. Whether...
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🇺🇸"Overpriced Almond Milk & State Surveillance"- 11oz Ceramic MugThis isn’t just a latte. It’s a case study in paranoia — overpriced almond milk foamed with McCarthyism and sprinkled with a dash of state surveillance. The flavor profile is equal parts absurd and accurate: sweet on the tongue, bitter in the aftertaste, and...
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🇺🇸"She's beauty, she's grace, she's drowning in interest rates" - 11oz Ceramic MugShe’s beauty. She’s grace. She’s negotiating with compound interest like it’s a hostage situation. This mug isn’t just a vessel for caffeine — it’s a dissertation on late capitalism disguised as pastel kitsch. Between the strawberry milkshake aesthetic and the crushing awareness of adjustable...
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🇺🇸"Taxphobic" - 11oz Ceramic MugSome people fear spiders. Some fear the void. Others fear April 15th. This mug is dedicated to the taxphobic among us — the human machines who know that wage labor is already theft, and that “filing season” is just another ritual humiliation dressed up...
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🇺🇸"The American Dream tastes like instant coffee"- 11oz Ceramic MugA mug for the irony-poisoned, doomscrolling caffeine addict who knows that freedom was always a marketing campaign. At 11oz, it’s not just the standard measure for coffee — it’s the precise volume of existential dread required to survive another morning inside the simulation. Durable...
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🇺🇸"The Economy Runs on My Burnout"- 11oz Ceramic MugEvery empire needs fuel. Rome had slaves. The Industrial Revolution had coal. Late capitalism? It runs on your unpaid overtime, iced lattes, and the faint hum of collective exhaustion. This mug is the perfect companion for those who know that “self-care” is just another...
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🇺🇸1980s Plastic Tumbler with Straw - TransparentSip like it’s 1986. This retro-futuristic tumbler brings back the golden glow of booming GDPs, Reaganomics, and neon-lit optimism—back when your Walkman had batteries, the stock market had swagger, and your future came in pastel. Whether you’re toasting the good ol’ trickle-down days or...
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