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🇺🇸 Socrates Walked So I Can Spiral — The Modern Prometheus Edition Tote Bag - BlackA gothic wink to the philosophers and romantics who overthink their way through the apocalypse.This tote reimagines a fragment from Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein — not as horror, but as humor, a modern resurrection of thought and irony.Here, philosophy meets morbidity in a latte-sipping séance...
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🇺🇸 “This Latte Cost Me My Soul (Plus Tax)” 11oz MugWelcome to Halloween in late-stage America — where the real horror is the receipt.For the modern witch juggling rent, caffeine dependency, and existential dread, this mug is both spell and statement piece. Sip your overpriced iced potion and remember: the collapse still looks chic...
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🇺🇸🎃 “Trick or Treat? More Like Rent or Eat.” 11oz Ceramic MugWelcome to the Halloween special of late-stage existence — where witches drink cold brew instead of blood and capitalism is the real haunted house. This mug isn’t just a vessel for your caffeine; it’s a daily reminder that adulthood is mostly deciding whether...
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🇺🇸 “This latte costs like the collapse of the middle class.” 20oz Stainless Steel TumblerA love letter to inflation, irony, and iced caffeine.Crafted for those who intellectualize their burnout and romanticize economic decline, this stainless steel tumbler keeps your drink as cold (or as hot) as your faith in capitalism. With a glossy finish and vacuum insulation, it’s...
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🇺🇸"The American Dream tastes like instant coffee"- 11oz Ceramic MugA mug for the irony-poisoned, doomscrolling caffeine addict who knows that freedom was always a marketing campaign. At 11oz, it’s not just the standard measure for coffee — it’s the precise volume of existential dread required to survive another morning inside the simulation. Durable...
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🇺🇸Apron: Serving Recession Realness - Black“Serving Recession Realness” Apron Welcome to the frontlines of late-stage capitalism, where you cook dinner like you're auditioning for The Hunger Games: Food Stamp Edition. Groceries cost more than rent, eggs are now a controlled substance, and your kid just asked if “inflation” is...
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🇺🇸Made with Burnout, Debt, and Government Distrust Apron - Black🍰 Made with Burnout, Debt, and Government Distrust Apron Because late-stage capitalism doesn’t season itself. This isn’t just an apron. It’s a full-body cry for help disguised as kitchen couture. Whether you’re rage-baking at 2am, feeding friends out of trauma-bonded obligation, or distracting yourself...
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🇺🇸 Seasoned Like the National Debt Apron - Black🇺🇸 Seasoned Like the National Debt Apron Product Description:For the home cook who brings the same energy to the kitchen as Congress brings to fiscal policy: chaos, overcommitment, and a complete lack of restraint. The Seasoned Like the National Debt apron is here to...
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🇺🇸 Fueled by Caffeine, Chaos, and Late-Stage Capitalism Apron - BlackFueled by Caffeine, Chaos, and Late-Stage Capitalism You’re not just running errands, baking cookies, or answering emails — you’re surviving the collapse of modern civilization with nothing but caffeine, brute force, and delusion. This piece isn’t just apparel or drinkware — it’s a lifestyle...
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🇺🇸"The Economy Runs on My Burnout"- 11oz Ceramic MugEvery empire needs fuel. Rome had slaves. The Industrial Revolution had coal. Late capitalism? It runs on your unpaid overtime, iced lattes, and the faint hum of collective exhaustion. This mug is the perfect companion for those who know that “self-care” is just another...
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🇺🇸"She's beauty, she's grace, she's drowning in interest rates" - 11oz Ceramic MugShe’s beauty. She’s grace. She’s negotiating with compound interest like it’s a hostage situation. This mug isn’t just a vessel for caffeine — it’s a dissertation on late capitalism disguised as pastel kitsch. Between the strawberry milkshake aesthetic and the crushing awareness of adjustable...
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🇺🇸 “Pumpkin pie tastes better under surveillance” – 11oz Ceramic MugThis isn’t just an 11oz ceramic mug — it’s a seminar in collapse studies disguised as drinkware. Durable white ceramic, glossy finish, ergonomic C-handle: the aesthetics of comfort mass-produced for a culture that hasn’t been comfortable in decades. The design is deliberate: Americana pin-up...
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🇺🇸 “No Taxation Without Optimization” 20oz TumblerA patriotic fever dream for the post-capitalist age.This stainless steel tumbler blends Americana nostalgia with cybernetic irony — perfect for those who sip iced lattes while questioning the fiscal ethics of late-stage capitalism. Featuring double-wall insulation to keep your drink hot or cold, it’s...
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🇺🇸 11oz Ceramic Mug | Congressional Subpoena in Hell EditionHotter than a latte fresh off the subpoena printer. This mug is a love letter to democratic dysfunction, wrapped in holographic kitsch and strawberry milkshake energy. Perfect for mornings when caffeine feels less like a beverage and more like testimony under oath. Product Features:...
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🇺🇸 11oz Ceramic Mug | “I Only Resonate in 528 Hz” EditionNot a vessel. A sigil.This mug is attuned to the mythic frequency of 528 Hz — the so-called vibration of love, creation, and repair — whispered of in esoteric circles and conspiracy-laden forums alike. Between cosmic static and corporate collapse, it hums as an...
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🇺🇸“Coffee Is The Only Thing Keeping Me Out of Prison” 20 oz TumblerFor the overachiever on the verge of a federal incident. The caffeine-fueled professional whose moral compass spins violently between justice and arson. You answer emails like legal depositions and suppress rage with frothy oat milk lattes. This tumbler isn’t just drinkware—it’s protective gear. Designed...
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🇺🇸“I’m One Overpriced Iced Coffee Away from Jail Without Parole” 20oz TumblerSomewhere between burnout and capitalism’s love language lies this tumbler — your emotional support chalice for surviving another day in the simulation. It’s not just a drinkware item; it’s an existential prop in the tragicomedy of adluthood. Perfect for the overworked, the underpaid, and...
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🇺🇸 Too Hot for a Cold War 4th of July Balloons Tumbler 20ozToo Hot for a Cold War — Stainless Steel Tumbler (20oz)Serve your rebellion piping hot. This 20oz stainless steel tumbler isn’t just a drink container — it’s a frontline weapon in the war against lukewarm mediocrity and bureaucratic bull. With vacuum insulation and double-wall...
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🇺🇸“This Latte Is Stronger Than the 4th Amendment” Tumbler | 80s Dollcore Edition - 🇯🇵このラテは法より強い」タンブラー｜80年代ドールコア・エディション - BlackWelcome to the pink dystopia — where justice is plastic, and caffeine is constitutional.This stainless steel tumbler is your emotional support accessory for late capitalism: glamorous, over-caffeinated, and unapologetically shiny. Inspired by 1980s dollcore nostalgia and vaporwave futurism, it’s the perfect companion for anyone...
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