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🇺🇸 Socrates Walked So I Can Spiral — The Modern Prometheus Edition Tote Bag - BlackA gothic wink to the philosophers and romantics who overthink their way through the apocalypse.This tote reimagines a fragment from Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein — not as horror, but as humor, a modern resurrection of thought and irony.Here, philosophy meets morbidity in a latte-sipping séance...
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🇺🇸 “This Latte Cost Me My Soul (Plus Tax)” 11oz MugWelcome to Halloween in late-stage America — where the real horror is the receipt.For the modern witch juggling rent, caffeine dependency, and existential dread, this mug is both spell and statement piece. Sip your overpriced iced potion and remember: the collapse still looks chic...
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🇺🇸🎃 “Trick or Treat? More Like Rent or Eat.” 11oz Ceramic MugWelcome to the Halloween special of late-stage existence — where witches drink cold brew instead of blood and capitalism is the real haunted house. This mug isn’t just a vessel for your caffeine; it’s a daily reminder that adulthood is mostly deciding whether...
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🇺🇸"Can't Wait for the Next Flood" -11oz MugBecause the world’s on fire, the seas are rising, and you still have to log into Zoom. Tired of pretending everything’s fine while billionaires build rockets and the rest of us Google “ark dimensions DIY”? This 11oz mug is your sarcastic survival gear—a daily...
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🇺🇸 “This latte costs like the collapse of the middle class.” 20oz Stainless Steel TumblerA love letter to inflation, irony, and iced caffeine.Crafted for those who intellectualize their burnout and romanticize economic decline, this stainless steel tumbler keeps your drink as cold (or as hot) as your faith in capitalism. With a glossy finish and vacuum insulation, it’s...
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🇺🇸"The American Dream tastes like instant coffee"- 11oz Ceramic MugA mug for the irony-poisoned, doomscrolling caffeine addict who knows that freedom was always a marketing campaign. At 11oz, it’s not just the standard measure for coffee — it’s the precise volume of existential dread required to survive another morning inside the simulation. Durable...
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🇺🇸Apron: Serving Recession Realness - Black“Serving Recession Realness” Apron Welcome to the frontlines of late-stage capitalism, where you cook dinner like you're auditioning for The Hunger Games: Food Stamp Edition. Groceries cost more than rent, eggs are now a controlled substance, and your kid just asked if “inflation” is...
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🇺🇸Gen Z LifePath.exe Mug - Retro 2000s pc IUX 11oz Ceramic Mug“Existence is running… on iced coffee & dread.” Welcome to the simulation. This mug is not just ceramic — it’s a relic of an overstimulated generation, trapped between late capitalism and self-awareness. Inspired by retro operating systems and the quiet apocalypse of modern life,...
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🇺🇸“boot_life.exe” 11oz Mug — Debugging Existence☕ “boot_life.exe” Mug — Debugging Existence 🇺🇸 Welcome to late-stage capitalism: where your nervous system is fried, your rent is due, and your soil is as demineralized as your soul. This mug reads like a system crash log for humanity: affordability.sys not found, taxes.dll...
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🇺🇸"No optimization without representation" - 11oz Ceramic MugThis 11oz mug is less about coffee and more about critique — a porcelain protest against the algorithmic empire. Durable white ceramic, shiny finish, and a comfortable C-handle make it practical; the imagery makes it prophecy. A cybernetic blonde in metallic pink, strawberries in...
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🇺🇸Made with Burnout, Debt, and Government Distrust Apron - Black🍰 Made with Burnout, Debt, and Government Distrust Apron Because late-stage capitalism doesn’t season itself. This isn’t just an apron. It’s a full-body cry for help disguised as kitchen couture. Whether you’re rage-baking at 2am, feeding friends out of trauma-bonded obligation, or distracting yourself...
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🇺🇸 Seasoned Like the National Debt Apron - Black🇺🇸 Seasoned Like the National Debt Apron Product Description:For the home cook who brings the same energy to the kitchen as Congress brings to fiscal policy: chaos, overcommitment, and a complete lack of restraint. The Seasoned Like the National Debt apron is here to...
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🇺🇸 Fueled by Caffeine, Chaos, and Late-Stage Capitalism Apron - BlackFueled by Caffeine, Chaos, and Late-Stage Capitalism You’re not just running errands, baking cookies, or answering emails — you’re surviving the collapse of modern civilization with nothing but caffeine, brute force, and delusion. This piece isn’t just apparel or drinkware — it’s a lifestyle...
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🇺🇸It’s Giving 1984 –11oz Ceramic Black MugIt’s Giving 1984 – Black Mug When you wake up in a surveillance state disguised as a democracy, the least you deserve is a hot beverage in a mug that gets it. Say hello to the only mug that understands just how Orwellian your...
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🇺🇸"The Economy Runs on My Burnout"- 11oz Ceramic MugEvery empire needs fuel. Rome had slaves. The Industrial Revolution had coal. Late capitalism? It runs on your unpaid overtime, iced lattes, and the faint hum of collective exhaustion. This mug is the perfect companion for those who know that “self-care” is just another...
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🇺🇸"Taxphobic" - 11oz Ceramic MugSome people fear spiders. Some fear the void. Others fear April 15th. This mug is dedicated to the taxphobic among us — the human machines who know that wage labor is already theft, and that “filing season” is just another ritual humiliation dressed up...
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🇺🇸"She's beauty, she's grace, she's drowning in interest rates" - 11oz Ceramic MugShe’s beauty. She’s grace. She’s negotiating with compound interest like it’s a hostage situation. This mug isn’t just a vessel for caffeine — it’s a dissertation on late capitalism disguised as pastel kitsch. Between the strawberry milkshake aesthetic and the crushing awareness of adjustable...
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🇺🇸"Overpriced Almond Milk & State Surveillance"- 11oz Ceramic MugThis isn’t just a latte. It’s a case study in paranoia — overpriced almond milk foamed with McCarthyism and sprinkled with a dash of state surveillance. The flavor profile is equal parts absurd and accurate: sweet on the tongue, bitter in the aftertaste, and...
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🇺🇸"One Nation Under Chronic Fatigue"- 11oz Ceramic MugThis mug is a hymn for the overworked, the under-slept, the chronically fatigued human machines powering a system that rewards exhaustion with… more exhaustion. Draped in pixelated flags, it’s equal parts satire and mirror: the American Dream served on ice, caffeine-dependent and mascara-smudged. Whether...
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🇺🇸"Iced Nihilism with Notes of Almond"- 11oz Ceramic MugNot your average tasting profile. This latte is brewed with existential dread, sweetened with futility, and finished with a delicate almond aftertaste for the illusion of choice. Ideal for philosophy students, office drones, or anyone who’s ever stared into the void and thought: “Maybe...
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